


Always

by TSPofAmbition



Series: Patronuses and What They Mean [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Good Severus Snape, He Just Really Cared For Her, It's The Same Patronus, James' Was A Stag, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Understand Consequences, Misunderstandings, Severus Did Not Love Lily Romantically, Severus Snape Deserves Better, Snape's Patronus Does Not Show Romantic Love, Suck It Voldiepants, That Was Romantic Love, Young Severus Snape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23227018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TSPofAmbition/pseuds/TSPofAmbition
Summary: Expecto Patronum!!From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe: She landed on the office floor, bounded once across the office, and soared out of the window. Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears. “After all this time?”“Always,” said Snape.Wherein Lily finds out just how much her friend cares for her and the Marauders realise that prejudice goes both ways.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Series: Patronuses and What They Mean [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764871
Comments: 8
Kudos: 202





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings and Salutations,  
> A discussion over Patronuses led to a conversation about whether Lily ever knew just how much Severus cared for her and what her reaction would have been. 
> 
> Please give me kudos and comment on what you liked and dislike, maybe even if you want me to continue this fic. Don't forget to
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> ~Teaspoon.

Lily knew better than to hope for a miracle. She had known the moment she chose to step into this war, that there was a very good chance she would die for the cause, but she had, perhaps naively, hoped that she would survive. She hadn't exactly called her role in the war a soldier but in hindsight she should have. She was always meant to be a footsoldier, cannon fodder, never the chessmaster or the queen but somehow in her own mind she had allowed herself to hope. Hope that maybe she wasn't the one the chessmaster chose to sacrifice.

From the time she stepped into the Wizarding World, it had been like something out of a fairytale. With real life magic, creatures beyond her wildest imagination and adventures like she had only ever dreamt of, it wasn't strange that she had felt like the heroine in an ancient bard's tale. Of course it meant that to combat the evil villain, there would be a good side and in the end, good had to win. And it was so easy to cast the characters in her little fantasy. With villains already predecided in the Wizarding World, it was Farir too simple to just play the role of the good guy and never look further than that.

Intellectually, she knew that real life did not work like that, that right didn't always mean good and white and black could also mean grey but when she was faced with something so fantastical as an entirely new hidden world, it was only fair that her mind be a little warped from regular suspension of disbelief. It was only fair that she begin to feel just the tiniest but untouchable.

Which brought her to her current situation. Captured and imprisoned, along with her husband and best friends in the dungeon of whichever Death Eater was Voldemort's flavour of the week.

The momentary flash of panic had all but died out, and her sharp mind was already cataloguing their situation. The walls were damp and smelled strongly of mold which made her wonder if Pure bloods were really so lax with cleaning or if they just wanted to add to the atmosphere. The ground was stone, thick and almost impossible to break through even if she did have her wand, which of course, she didn't. 

Her arms were bound tightly behind her back, the faint sparking she could feel giving away its magical origin, though her legs had been left untied. She couldn't feel any obvious injuries but the ache in her arms overshadowed anything else. The slight itching of her hair on her cheek meant that Bellatrix's cutting curse had gotten close enough to give her an impromptu haircut though that was infinitely preferable to what she was sure the madwoman had intended to be a Colombian necktie.

When Lily finally managed to drag herself to a sitting position, she found both James and Sirius already up, though their mouths were gagged and arms bound to each other. Beside the men, Remus was trussed up like a turkey, bound in magical ropes from shoulder to ankle and gagged with what looked like a part of his own cloak. 

Fighting down the automatic flare of annoyance that she was obviously considered the least dangerous of the four, she looked around for inspiration. The rough edges of the rock walls seemed like the perfect place to start and she struggled to her feet before arranging herself in a way that she could wear the binds down. Thankfully they were in fact magical in origin which meant that they were slightly easier to break than ordinary rope and it wasn't long before she was free.

The men's binds were obviously magical in origin though whether they were like hers, a simple incarcerous with conjured rope or something more sinister was yet to be seen. The gags at least weren't anything special, merely rags that she wagered tasted absolutely vile, but didn't do much else and as soon as she got her hands free, she removed them.

"Bleargh!" Sirius retched, almost overbalancing as he sputtered and coughed. James was much the same, though he managed a brief smile at his wife in thanks.

"Any ideas on how to get out?" Lily said when she got Remus's gag out as well. 

"We'll need a wand. Moony's bindings are almost certainly magical, we won't be able to break them otherwise." Sirius said, wiggling a little as he tested his own. "Not sure about ours, it feels magical but doesn't look it, maybe conjured?" 

"Mine was conjured." Lily said. "I could feel the magic dissipating."

"I hope you're right." Remus warned, looking supremely uncomfortable. "If it ended up having an alarm or something, we could have called the Death Eaters right to us."

Lily's blood ran cold. 

She knew what Voldemort did with prisoners, knew from experience in storming his prisons exactly what torture they were going to have to endure if they didn't manage to escape in time. She knew that she was expected to die before she gave the enemy information but she couldn't help but tremble at the thought. Torture was one of the few fates she had prayed she would be spared from when the war began.

"It doesn't matter either way, Moony," James muttered, voice just a little too sharp to hide his own fear, " Voldie's coming for us either way and we can't escape without a wand. I'd rather it happen now than wait in the dark for hours."

Unfortunately, the Death Eaters didn't seem particularly eager to interrogate their prisoners and it seemed like hours by the time the brief crack of a portkey startled them out of their minds. In an instant, they were on guard, fingers twitching towards wands they did not have.

From the shadows, they caught the glimpse of a pale throat, the rest of the person's face covered by the hood that they had drawn over their head to conceal their identity. From the cloak, a pale hand carrying a wand emerged, pointed directly at them.

"What, Voldie's men can't be bothered to introduce themselves any more?" Sirius spat, the faint tremor doing nothing to hide his trepidation. 

"Shut up!" The man, for he had to be one with that deep baritone, hissed sharply, head jerking to the side. "The guards will hear you."

"Who the hell are you?" James asked bluntly. "Are you a Death Eater?"

"I'm here to get you out." He said simply, before waving his wand in a elegant movement that freed the marauders from their bindings.

Lily immediately dropped to her knees to make sure none of them were injured. Their mysterious saviour looked away from the display allowing the brief moment of privacy. When she was satisfied that the only injured party was her shorn hair, she allowed them to stand before addressing the cloaked man.

"Did Dumbledore send you?" Remus asked, mildly. Lily got the sense that he knew who their savior was and was almost triumphant at the knowledge. She wracked her own brains to try and identify him but came up completely blank. Obviously a known party, given Remus's recollection but not one immediately on the light side given his relatively easy entry into their prison.

Instead of replying to the werewolf's question, he just turned on his heel. "I couldn't find your wands. You will have to follow me to get out of here because I'm the only one who can fight. Is that clear? None of that foolish Gryffindor recklessness that gets us killed." The faintest hint of a sneer at the house name was vaguely familiar but Lily couldn't put her finger on it.

"How do we know we can trust you?" Sirius said with a slight frown. "Also the thought that you don't like Gryffindors is not doing a lot to prove your loyalty."

There was the slightest sound of grinding teeth and when the man spoke again, it was completely flat and bereft of emotion. "Get your mangy ass off the floor, Black. We can't stay long and I'm not going to be killed over _you_."

"You're a Death Eater." James said flatly.

"Does it matter? I'm your only way out of here, alive and without hours of Cruciatous endurance. Are you coming or not?"

"Of course it bloody well matters!" Sirius predictably exploded. "We're not risking our lives with murderers!" He spat.

Lily was of the opinion that antagonising the only armed man was particularly foolish but there was something to be said about Gryffindor bravery in the face of ridiculous odds. She understood where Sirius was coming from, of course she did, but she also realised that if, for whatever reason, the man wanted to help them, she should just accept it. 

"You know better than that, Black." The Death Eater said poisonously. "Your brother was forced into His service by your godforsaken family. Why is it so impossible to believe that circumstances are very far from ideal for most people?"

"Dumbledore can help you." Lily interjected, cowering back almost immediately at the poisonous glare she could _feel_ through the cloak. 

"Dumbledore is a last resort, if anything. Do you know how many people he has in his debt? His contact list would make Slughorn green with envy, hell every Slytherin understands the power of manipulation from him! He could with one word destroy almost every one of the Light families. He holds more control over the Ministry than the Minister! Forgive me if I'm not eager to prostrate myself at his feet." The agitated swishing of fabric gave away so much more than his tone did and Lily could see the distress of the man underneath.

"And you can minimise the casualties." Remus said softly.

"How many did you kill?!" Sirius said when he didn't say anything else.

"How many more did you save?" Remus countered and Lily was reminded again that he knew who he was talking to.

"Too many." He croaked out and while he did not clarify whose question he was answering, the redhead was fairly certain of which one it was. "Are you coming or not?" He asked again.

Lily stepped forward. "Yes." She said, ignoring the Marauders behind her. "Yes, we are." 

The corridor outside their jail was just as musty and even with the disillusionment spell the man had put on them, Lily felt exposed. The guards were Stupefied in a silent spell and she wondered again at the skill of their saviour. His every spell was wordless and with the barest of movements, elegant and quick. 

"So you're a pureblood?" James asked as they crept through the shadows.

"No." He said sharply, almost offended and wasn that a breath of fresh air, someone actually proud of their non magical heritage. "I'm a half blood."

Sirius raised both his eyebrows. "And Voldie let you join?" 

"He found me useful."

"So you do help him."

A heavy exhale. "Let's just say that if the Dark Lord wants something, person included, he gets it. Not all of us have family willing to fight for them." He inclined his head in James's direction and the Potter flushed. He had seen that not every family was as good as his was, hell his best mate was disowned for tainting the family's pride, but he had never really considered that not every disillusioned Slytherin could find a safe house. In fact, he was almost certain that every Slytherin safe house was under the Dark Lord's control at that very moment.

"If you actually get us out of here, I'll make you a vassal of the Potter house. You'll be able to get out from here as well." He said impulsively.

The man snorted. "No you won't." He sounded almost amused but James could catch the undercurrent of hurt and he wondered how many people had failed the man. "You don't even know who I am."

"You're a good man."

"You don't even know that!" He said indignantly and slightly despairingly. "I could have lied about everything! I could be using this to spy on the Light side. I could be leading you to the Dark Lord himself."

James just scoffed. He had considered it but when he realised that Remus was perfectly content to follow the Death Eater, he had ignored his inhibitions. If Moony, with his heightened sense for danger and ability to recognise people with a breath was not worried, then he didn't think he had any reason to be.

"Bloody trusting Gryffindors." The man swore, striding fast enough that Lily had to struggle to keep up. "Fine. Think what you want. Wait till I get to say, 'I told you so'."

He abruptly swerved to the side, into a hidden tunnel that they would never have found on their own. The path was beginning to even out, appearing more modern the closer they got to the main house. The air was freshening as well and the marauders were glad for it.

"How are you guiding us anyway?" Lily asked curiously.

He tapped his nose, or what would be his nose under the fabric. "Smell. The tunnels leading us out smell fresher."

"Jeez, mate. You must have one hell of a nose!" James said in awe and Lily concurred. She could barely smell anything over the musty scent and was quite certain that only Remus had the ability to smell anything else. She idly wondered if the man was a werewolf. It would explain how Remus knew him and being forced into Voldemort's service.

"Where are we?" Sirius asked as they walked.

"Lestrange Manor. You're lucky. Bellatrix killed the last elf yesterday so I wasn't caught. If it had been Malfoy Manor, I wouldn't have been able to do anything."

Lily winced at the thought of the mad woman, mind flashing back to their last battle with the sickly green Killing Curse flying every which way interspersed only rarely by other but no less deadly curses. Her choppy hair was testament to her ability to dodge and even then she was aware that she was no match for the witch in a fair duel. 

"How did you join anyway?" Sirius asked and the man stiffened up. 

"I didn't." He said icily. "He heard of me and sent Malfoy to 'fetch me'."

The Black winced. "Don't you have to kill to prove yourself or something?"

"Not if you're useful otherwise." He replied with the faintest shudder. He gathered himself and when he spoke again, his voice was as devoid of inflection as it was before. "There should be some sort of guard. I don't know what kind so keep quiet and don't bump into anything."

A few more labyrinthine turns and the man suddenly stopped. With one hand he gestured to them to stay back and crept forward alone. It took him a while to return but when he did, he was trembling and there was sweat beading along the collar of his shirt.

"There are dementors ahead." He said tremulously and Lily felt her heart sink. 

"Can you conjure a patronus?" James asked with a worried frown. 

"No- not really." His gaze was fixed on his hands and Lily swore she heard a whispered. "Oh God, why this?"  
She eyed him curiously but he just straightened. "I have something else. An experimental spell, to mask your emotions and make you unappealing to the Dementors. Is that satisfactory?"

Lily just stared at him in awe and though she couldn't see, she was fairly certain the rest of the Marauders were doing the same. She hadn't heard of such a spell and knew it meant that he must have created it himself but the sheer brilliance it would take to do such a thing was extraordinary. For centuries, the Patronus had been the only protection against Dementors and if this man had actually managed to find another way, well, she was beginning to realise why the Dark Lord wanted him so desperately.

"That's brilliant! How does it work?" Sirius exclaimed.

"I'll cast the spell. But you need to be careful. If you have any extreme emotion it will break the mask. Anything can be a trigger- anger, joy, fear, irritation. You'll have to keep yourself completely calm until we get far enough away from them, clear?" He warned.

Four acquiesces later, he pointed his wand at each of them in turn and chanted clearly,

"Occultis affectibus."

A slightly pinkish beam of light struck each of them and Lily shivered at the feeling. It was most similar to the time when she had tried Occlumency with Severus in fourth year, almost like a film on her mind. 

"Follow me now." Casting the same spell on himself, the Death Eater set off through the tunnel until they caught the slightest sound of rustling fabric and wind. The cavern they found themselves in was massive. High walls of hewn rock towered over them, dwarfing the wizards and sending shivers running through Lily as she realised that it was filled with Dementors. 

At least a hundred soul sucking monsters gathered in one room and Lily could still breathe easily.

She marvelled at the effectiveness of the Death Eater's spell. She didn't think she had ever been able to actually look at the guardians of Azkaban, let alone gawk at them the way they were doing. Even as they walked through the room, the demons ignored their presence. They might as well as be mice or something for all the attention they were shown. 

She was roused from her reverie by Sirius's quiet voice.

"Hey mate. What's your wand made out of? Worst case scenario, one of us can cast a patronus with it if we're compatible."

"Hawthorne and Phoenix feather, thirteen and a half inches." The man replied and Lily stilled.

"Severus." She whispered, bringing their whole company to a halt.

"What?" James asked, looking worried.

"That- that's Severus's wand." She turned to the cloaked man in shock. "You're ...Severus."

There was a long pause as if the man was debating something, before he pulled off his cloak revealing the familiar, sallow, hook nosed face underneath.

"Snape?" James said in shock tempered with not a little bit of anger.

"Snivellus." Sirius spat, looking disgusted. "What the hell are you playing at?"

To his credit, Severus looked impassive at the ugly glares sent his way. "I was under the impression that I was leading you out of whatever hare brained scheme ended in you becoming honoured guests of the Dark Lord."

"Don't be an ass." Sirius growled. "Did you enjoy making fun of us? Took your revenge by making up pretty stories?" He glared at him before spitting out, "Murderer."

Severus's sallow complexion flushed and he managed a sneer back. "For your information, mutt, every single word I said was true, especially this one-" he turned to James and spat, "I told you so."

The worst part was that James caught the same emotions in Snape's tone- the hurt, the fury and worst of all, the acceptance. He had known that James wouldn't have helped him, known that he had no choice but to rot in Voldemort's service, not loyal but too aware of the futility of disloyalty. He opened his mouth to say something when he realised that the cavern had gone silent. 

He looked up only to find every single one of the Dementors staring directly at them with what he could only describe as hunger in their body language.

"Goddamn it, the spell!" Snape cursed as he struggled to pull his cloak up again. "Run!"

They tried to but there was a reason the Dementors were the guards of Azkaban. They were unparalleled in speed and four weary wizard and one witch were not particularly difficult prey. Already James could feel the cold slithering deep into his bones and slowing his already sluggish muscles even further. Already he could feel the helplessness, the despair, the fear eating into his mind, images of the deadly battles they had fought brought to the forefront by the vile creatures and it was far too soon before he collapsed. 

He could see Sirius, Lily and Remus beside him through the fog in his vision and he craned his neck to find Snape. He had to look back and cringed when he realised the Gryffindors had left Snape behind them, the Slytherin clearly unable to handle the Dementors' affects for longer than a few seconds.

So much for the House of the Brave. 

He couldn't help but tremble at the thought of dying like this. On his knees, his soul stolen, without even a wand to die fighting. Even though he knew it was worthless, he found himself mumbling the Patronus Charm as if it would help. 

As his vision began to go black and he could see the disgusting face of the Dementor that would take his soul, he saw the briefest flickering of silvery light in his peripheral vision. The Dementors' gaping maw was inches from his when it recoiled, flinching away from the light of the patronus like it was burned and James gasped for breath that, if he wasn't imagining, was beginning to come easier.

When he looked for the Patronus, his first thought was that his fevered casting had actually worked. As his vision cleared and he could see more clearly, he realised that what he had mistaken for a stag was actually a doe, identical to his wife's patronus.The automatic grin at his wife to exclaim at her brilliance was cut short when he saw her gaping at Snape. 

Snape, who was holding a glowing silver wand. 

Snape who had just screamed the words to the Patronus Charm he claimed he did not know.

Snape who somehow inexplicably had the same Patronus as Lily.

James wasn't stupid. He knew that a Patronus was an extension of a soul's emotion. Emotion that existed undoubtedly, irrespective of what a person said or tried to show. It was why Lily had realised that he was genuine in his affections when she saw his Patronus and how he knew that come what may, Sirius would be by his side, showing the loyalty that canines were known for.

The last matching Patronuses he knew belonged to Fabian and Gideon Prewett and if he called them anything other than attached, he would be doing them a disservice. Because matching Patronuses meant family. It meant a love so powerful, it bound your magic to the other. It meant that after all this time, after Lily had publicly renounced their friendship, after she had all but forsaken him, Snape still loved her as deeply as family. For without a doubt it had been Snape's Patronus that changed. Lily hadn't known Snape's but her own was fairly well known, especially after she married him and still Snape had accepted her as the sister of his magic. As the sister of his heart. As the sister of his soul.

"Oh Severus..." Lily managed to get out, tears shining in her green eyes. Her voice broke on the name, a lifetime of memories weighing it down. "After all this time?"

And Snape, the man she knew shied away from emotional declarations, the man who still hid behind sarcasm and cruel wit, the man who would sooner slit his wrists than show his emotions, turned to her and choked out a pained,

"Always."

His obsidian eyes, blank on the worst of days and mocking on the best, shone in the light of the beautiful Patronus with a love that threatened to overcome his very being. A moment of absolute perfection... and the spell was broken, Snape glancing away and lifting the hood of the cloak to cover his face again. 

The cloak he had hidden behind while risking himself to save them. It was threadbare and worn through but she recognised it as just another wall he had put between them so they wouldn't hurt each other again. She didn't think she could handle losing her best friend, her brother again and she knew for a fact the Severus, brilliant, lonely Sev would never survive it. 

Pushing herself up onto admittedly shaky feet, she reached out to the dark haired man who was still crumpled on the ground, and helped him to his feet. With a shaking hand she pushed the hood out of his face again and felt the tears begin to fall at the gaunt face in front of her. 

"Why?" She asked softly.

"To keep you safe." The answer was immediate and she felt the last barrier between them shatter because of course he would join the Dark Lord to make sure she survived, of course he would become what he hated to keep her from doing so and of course he would risk his life to help her escape because it was exactly like him. 

She grabbed him tightly around the waist, burying her face into his chest and she felt her heart break all over again when she saw how skinny he had gotten and felt the faint tremors that she knew came from overexposure to the Cruciatous. 

She felt as his chin dropped onto her head and the tears that soaked into her hair and just held him tighter. The silvery glow of their shared Patronus was the only light in that cavern but it was enough to protect them for the time being.

Yes, Lily knew better than to hope for a miracle but somehow, by some incredible twist of fate, she had got one anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> So. Patronus discussion. 
> 
> In canon, the only matching Patronuses shown are Snape and Lily, James and Harry and later when JK confirmed it, Fred and George. Both of the latter are family members. 
> 
> Every other matching Patronus has been complementary ones, from Lily and James to Ron and Hermione (look it up if you didn't know, it's pretty cute). 
> 
> So my theory is that complementary Patronuses imply romantic love or the 'perfect fit' some couples have while familial affection is indicated in sharing a Patronus form.
> 
> Just a headcanon!
> 
> ~Teaspoon.


End file.
